Nonphenomenal Lineage

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Oh, But She’s a Cruel Mistress

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Last weekend, I swam in poison ivy. Literally. (I don’t recommend it!) Last Sunday, after some hot time over a BBQ grill, some friends and I walked down to the awesome fresh-water reservoir near my apartment to hopefully find some repose from the summer heat.

Upon arriving at the reservoir, and sampling the water with our toes, we realized that the water temperature was way too perfect to waste it on our feet. So the four of us, Ariana, Justin, Stuart and I jumped in, fully clothed. It was a blast! The water was perfect, the later afternoon sun was shining, the whole experience was, in a word, delectable. A perfect summer treat. There was one problem: I didn’t see the poison ivy. We none of us did.

Two days later, however, it made its debut on my forehead. I haven’t had a poison ivy attack in about 7 or 8 years. At first, I thought it was a heat rash. I had no qualms about scratching the hell out of it. Until I noticed that I also had the rash on my stomach.

Three days later, it’s spread over the right side of my face, my entire midsection: stomach, lower back, breasts, butt…and creeping dangerously close towards regions I’d rather not mention.

I took Thursday and Friday off from work. This weekend was of the hellish variety–I was miserable, and antisocial. I woke up during weird hours of the day/night, itching all over. I tried a variety of drugs, alcohol, and homeopathic remedies I found online…and they all kind of fell short of what I was deperately hoping for, a complete and instant cure.

However, I did find a few things that helped: did you know spray starch stops the itching? (for a while). If you take a hot bath with 1/2 cup baking soda, the rash starts to dry up. I also hear oatmeal’s good. And if you eat honey on a regular basis, you’ll have less of a chance of getting the rash.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I tried calamine lotion too. It didn’t seem to do a damn thing. Thank God I finally found out the beauty that is Gold Bond Medicated Creme, I wouldn’t have my sanity had it not been for this little gem.It neutralizes the itching with a cool, menthol-y goodness.

I recommend that if you ever contract poison ivy, clear your calendar, take about 5 days for yourself, run out and get a box of baking soda, some Gold Bond Medicated Creme, rent about 50 movies and a grab a six-pack, because you’re in for one hell of an awful ride.

Well, thank goodness, my face has stopped weeping, oozing, seeping…whatever you want to call it. I *think* my midsection is on the way to recovery.

Now if I can Just. Stop. Scccccccratching.


Currently listening to…well…nothing. But guess what! Jason Lytle is doing another mini tour and will be appearing in Boston, yes, BOSTON next month. And he’s playing at the Paradise. I couldn’t be happier.


Written by pocheco

June 26, 2006 at 4:08 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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