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What to Do When the Night is Lonely?

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gasstation
There’s something indesribably sad about empty gas stations at night on country roads.

For some reason, Night Me always says stuff or writes stuff that Day Me is consistently ashamed of. I stay up late on nights like these and have these thoughts…thoughts of nasty gender roles, horrid lonliness, self hatred, delirious hope, giddy enlightenment, happiest love or scariest fear. Doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, Night Me always thinks in absolutes and hyperboles. Day Me, especially Morning Me, is so way more sensible and less prone to extremes than Night Me, especially Late Night Me.

I don’t know why, but I always get all worked up and start writing this stuff down, or emailing long drawn out feelings to people. Something about being up late makes me feel all sentimental or smart or at least wordy. Allovasudden, I hit the irrevocable, irretrievable “send” button, and suddenly, it’s gone. It’s kind of like drunk dialing.

Then, I go to sleep. Then I wake up, and Day Me rolls eyes at Night Me and thinks to herself,

Jeesus, Day Me, you should never ever let Night Me write stuff again.

Day Me goes and re-reads what Night Me has written, and thinks to herself “Wordy, ostentatious, predictable, emotional, trite.”

But then again, Day Me doesn’t write a whole lot. Day Me leaves all the writing up to Night Me. And it’s Night, so I guess…

Achk, I’ll probably delete all this in the morning.

~

Going to see Jason Lytle at the Paradise tomorrow. I was going to go see the show with Tyler but he’s backed out now, says he has a prior commitment. Whatever, I don’t really care. I thought Chezdan might be coming, but it looks like he’s backing out in favor of a Kansas concert. Man, where are the real Grandaddy fans? None in Massachusetts, at least none that I know.

I whine, but, truth is, I don’t mind going to these concerts by myself. It’s always a very personal experience when Jason Lytle is involved. I get all wrapped up and reclusive and don’t want to talk to anyone about why I feel the way I do. It’s probably pointless to try to take anyone else with me anyway, cause it’s not something I’m really willing to share with anyone.

I don’t feel as nervous about seeing him play live as I did at the New York show. We’re not filming this one, and Bon won’t be there, and I don’t have to drive 5 hours to see the show. Don’t think I’ll get a chance to say hi to hims, but maybe at least I’ll be close enough to see how his face looks when he sings these songs. I guess I don’t even need to say hi to him again. I think it’s probably best that I keep a safe distance from him anyway, my adoration might be creating something out of him that he is really not, and if he is not that thing which I think, well then, I’d just rather not know.

I hope he plays First Movement/Message Fade.

Roses are red
Violets are not
Words are so clunky
But what else have I got?


—–

Currently listening to I Got All Dressed Up to Record This, and other wonderful things by Jason Lytle

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Written by pocheco

July 25, 2006 at 8:10 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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