Nonphenomenal Lineage

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See Yourself in Your Pain

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The way I act when I am in a terrible amount of pain is always awful. I am at my lowest as a human being. All my movements are purely reactionary; I will give into whatever I think I need to make myself feel better. I scream at stuff, get super angry, and punch the wall.

This morning I woke up at 4:30, with a really bad case of menstrual cramps. I haven’t had them this bad in a couple of years. It was 4 hours of unending, escalating, cyclical pain and horrid nausea. I was screaming at the top of my lungs at the pain, vomiting, and cursing God for making me go through this awful shit. It’s especially unfair, these pains of fertility, because I’m not even certain I want children, but yet I have to suffer through this anyway.

This isn’t a “poor me” blog, but rather a sort of embarassed analysis of how base of an animal I become when in pain. I used to think I was a tough person, but I think the truth is I can’t handle pain.

I become a red faced, meat-fisted, sweating pig of a beast that can’t regard anything around me but the intense layers of my pain.


Currently listening to Amnesiac by Radiohead. Oh, and I feel better now, in case you were wondering.


Written by pocheco

July 26, 2006 at 3:25 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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