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Fear & Loathing

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1 month, 3 weeks and 5 days in Las Vegas, and still no job. The number of jobs I’ve applied to currently tops out at about 40. Aaaaaand, rejection came with each one. I had one last job, with the Nevada Fish and Wildlife Department, that I really really wanted. I called tonight to check on my application status with them. They politely informed me that I lacked serious qualifications and that I would not get the job. My temporary job that I’ve had for the past three weeks is ending next week and I will be back to square one, with no job and no clue as to how I’m going to pay my bills.

Depression.

This time whiskey is not going to cut it.

I called Danny for solace and surprisingly, he had some good advice, the kind that puts your life in perspective. I really felt better after our discussion, but not before crying to him about the hopelessness of it all. Afterwards, I don’t think I was any more hopeful, but at least I wasn’t feeling so sorry for myself.

I wanted some advice, some empathy, some humor, and something to put my life into focus. I went to the book store to see if I could get something that would pull me out of my funk of being stuck with no job.

I got these three books:

huge_book_of_hell
The Huge Book of Hell by Matt Groening
Everyone knows Groening knows funny, but his “Life is Hell” comics are surprisingly insightful and sarcastic. Good insight into the human plight. I just don’t think Groening can do anything wrong.

734210_lg
The Grand Tour: A Traveler’s Guide to the Solar System by Ron Miller and William K. Hartmann
I got this book because it has lots of great pictures without being gaudy, which is the sad fate of so many books about outer space. This one is really well designed, and has little factoids about planets and space and stuff. I got this book because well, I’ve always wanted to be an astronaught, and also because I needed to be focused on something that is way bigger than me and my shitty little problems. Rotating orbs in outerspace that will be here long after I die. Yes.

frey-million_little_pieces
A Million Little Pieces by James Frey
Found this book in the biography section, not the fiction section, which made me smile. This book was the subject of much controversy only a few months ago due to the accusation that Frey had made up a substantial part of the story, that very little of it had ever happened to him. I’m not sure about that or not, but I like his writing style: it’s choppy and without punctuation. A little bit like Hemingway and sort of a counterpoint to E.E.Cummings. I know it’s going to be a fast, intense read. Plus it’s about coming out of a horrible and gripping drug addiction. It’ll make me feel better about my situation.

Of course, I put them on my credit card. I know, I know, I shouldn’t have. But hell, I needed something to bring me out of this depression. A little retail therapy, even if it is on borrowed money, can’t hurt. I hardly ever use my credit card, so I didn’t worry so much about it.

I’ll probably regret it later. It’s not the borrowing of the money, it’s more that I’m borrowing out of my limited supply of sanity. It’ll haunt me later when I look at my credit card balance and realize I’ll be trapped in middle-class debt until I die.
Until then, Mazel Tov, let’s read books and not think about tomorrow.

Back to the whiskey.

——
Currently listening to My Morning Jacket

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Written by pocheco

November 9, 2006 at 5:13 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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