Nonphenomenal Lineage

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Shifting Again

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Mini Vegas, originally uploaded by warreno.

I’ve always embraced change as a tool for education and mental growth. And although I love trying new food and activities and that kind of stuff, my biggest and best changes have always been moves. I have lost count of how many houses/apartments/dorms I have lived in the last decade, but suffice to say, I haven’t really felt at home anywhere in a long time. I don’t mind it, however. I know there will be plenty of time later to get accustomed to a home and a city once I am a little more adjusted.

Now I feel another great shift in my life coming around. I have lived in Las Vegas for seven months now, and feel like this entire time I’ve been floating in limbo. Of course, nothing with the job or the living situation went as I’d planned it. What I thought my life would be like then, resembles nothing of how it is now.

I laugh at my original idea, back when still I lived in Boston, when I thought I’d be living with the Clarks for maybe 6 weeks, tops. How quickly those 6 weeks passed, and then 6 weeks more, and again, and 6 more again. For a while, it was difficult. And then, it became easier. My adaptation ability kicked in and I learned to cope with the fact that I didn’t have a real job or any prospect to move out on my own at all.

Lately I feel like I’m trying to make a happy life of my own out of resources I don’t have. Like I’m trying to fit the way I really want to live my life in with the lifestyle of the Clarks. I always say that man’s greatest ability is adaptation, and that is what I have been trying to do. The Clarks are lovely and kind, but we just don’t live our lives the same way, on many levels. I’ve learned to deal with it. But these past few days, ever since we’ve returned from California, I’ve really been feeling the fire under my ass to get the hell out. Which is a natural, and an expected reaction. It’s time for me to start thinking about leaving.

It has been a challenge living with the Clarks, but I want to state, for the record, that I am really grateful for all they have given me; companionship, love, a place to stay and food to eat. They’ve always let me do as I please, and never questioned me about when I plan to out, and have done a good job of accepting me into their family. Without them, I’d have never made it.

I have been accomplishing a lot of the things I had needed to accomplish before moving out on my own, and that is a very satisfying feeling. Getting my car registerd in Nevada, getting my taxes out of the way, buying a few items I needed to get, paying off some bills. I even got hired on full time at Taylor. I like it here, but they didn’t increase my wage, and now I’m worried that I won’t make enough money here to be able to support myself. So, at this point, it’s either get a second job or find a new one.

I hate looking for jobs. Hate hate hate. But everyone does, right? But July is my new goal to be out of the Clark house. I have a possible opportunity to move in with a friend of my cousin’s come July, and I think that is the right time to make my jump. That’s about 10 weeks away now…74 days. I really need to redouble my efforts in finding a job that will at least allow me to have my own room.

I know that some would say that putting yourself through a major life change is, in fact, a character building experience. It will make you a better person. However, from my experience in Las Vegas so far, I wouldn’t necessarily think I’ve achieved anything big, but I do feel like I’m moving laterally. It’s still expansion, even if it’s not up. I do feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself.

Listening to Myth Takes by !!!


Written by pocheco

April 18, 2007 at 4:16 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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